By Life Coach Cator Sparks
Dear Coach-
Pool season is here, and I don’t feel confident in my own body and will probably turn down any invites I get to parties where I need to take my shirt off or be seen in a bathing suit. Am I all alone in these feelings? Please help
– Cover Up Queen
Babe, it’s no secret that many gay men have a very unhealthy relationship to fitness. It’s not just you! Body dysmorphia is rampant, as is body shaming. As a queer community who prides itself on acceptance, let’s work on giving ourselves some grace.
Here are some tips to form a healthy and happy relationship to fitness.
1. Define Fitness on Your Terms
● Avoid body comparison traps: Gay men can feel intense pressure from the media and apps to achieve a particular physique. Focus on your goals—stamina, strength, mental clarity, or general wellness.
● Reject one-size-fits-all ideals: Embrace body diversity. Your healthiest body might not match a stereotypical “fit” look.
2. Find Joy in Movement
● Choose workouts you enjoy—swimming, dancing, lifting, yoga, or long walks. Enjoyment makes it easier to stay consistent and mentally healthy.
● Consider LGBTQ+ friendly gyms, classes, or groups where you feel accepted and inspired. We have a plethora in ATL!
3. Create a Supportive Community
● Workout with a friend or partner to stay accountable and motivated.
● Join LGBTQ+ fitness groups (in person or online)—it’s a great way to stay motivated and make friends.
4. Be Mindful of Diet Culture
● Don’t let gym culture slide into disordered eating or obsessive behaviors. Again, it’s fun to have a friend/friend group to hold each other accountable so we don’t fall into the DQ drive-thru.
● Work with a nutritionist or therapist familiar with LGBTQ+ experiences if you need guidance.
5. Check Your Intentions
● Ask yourself regularly: Why am I doing this? Stay connected to reasons rooted in self-care and empowerment, not insecurity or social validation.
6. Focus on Mental Health Too
● Physical fitness is one part of holistic wellness. Make space for mental health support, therapy, and self-compassion. Ahem, I got you!
7. Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection
● Be aware of body dysmorphia, which disproportionately affects gay men, and seek help if you notice signs.
● Track milestones like better sleep, more energy, or improved mood—not just physical changes.
● Share your wins with supportive people who celebrate your growth.
8. Include Sexual Wellness
● Fitness and sexual health often overlap. Strength, flexibility, and confidence contribute to intimacy. Communicate openly with partners about what makes you feel good in your body.
Do you have questions about mental health/wellness? Send them to cator@davidatlanta.com and check each week to see if your question was selected. Don’t worry, we won’t share your name.