Being fabulous for a lifetime is more about feeding your soul than slaving over your mirror
By Mike Fleming
It’s easy to get lost in the gay penchant for pretty. Too many of us spend so much time objectifying others, criticizing our own looks, and obsessing over fitness and fashion that we forget what makes guys really attractive.
Sure, we should probably bathe, groom, dress and exercise enough to meet our basic health needs and presents an impression to the world of an engaged adult. By all means, do that to the level of your own satisfaction. But there’s something missing if your physical presentation is as far as your effort goes, your inner self knows it, and it will age you to the world without you even realizing it.
We’ve all met them: The guys with the perfect body, whitest teeth, best haircut, great clothes, and – womp-womp – personality of a wet dishrag. The more you dig, you uncover an unhappy person who’s conversation, not to mention his priorities, don’t go further than the gym.
Still, it’s common to get caught up in their world and get frustrated about not measuring up to that often-unattainable standard of youth and beauty. Well, we’re here with a new standard that allows you to feel good about yourself at every age, no matter who you are, who you wear, or who your body type most resembles.
Feeling young doesn’t come in a bottle, and there’s no one recipe, but the real Gay Fountain of Youth boils down to pride, personality and passion. Here are our top tips to get your head right so your true beauty shines.
- Embrace Your Existing Fabulousness
Your self-doubt has deep roots. For many gay man, that can stem from bullying early in life, or from ongoing references to what is “hot” and what is “not.”
Fuck that. Shake off the precepts by taking some specific time to identify what’s naturally youthful and gorgeous about you. Maybe it’s your optimistic attitude and your commitment to worthy causes. Once identified, spend effort to nurture those qualities and consciously, actively reject your doubts about it.
Tell others when you think they look great and appear to feel great. Create a conversational space in which we lift up others – It breeds good thoughts in them and in our ourselves.
Nothing makes you look younger and sexier than confidence that comes from knowing who you are, accepting it, and loving yourself.
- Fix Your Damage, Heather
Gay men deal with an array of issues that hold us back. Maybe you have internalized homophobia from years of straight society defining your gayness as undesirable. Maybe you have unresolved conflicts with family. Maybe you are obsessed with youth as you age.
Well, stop it. Counselors are worth every penny and can actually help you break the cycle of self-punishment. Once you’re free of these roadblocks, you’ll look and feel better than you have in years, no matter how old you are.
- Develop Outside Interests
The Fountain of Youth has less to do with physical attributes than character traits. A sense of humor, sharp intellect, plus hobbies and interests to talk about can be even more attractive than toned abs.
Become good at something. Do projects you love. Develop a career that fulfills you. Your inner passions, skills and extracurricular pursuits make you more interesting, and other guys see it even when they can’t put their finger on what makes you so awesome.
- Healthy is Youthful
Nobody ever looked at a person and said, “Oh it’s so hot that he looks sickly and weak.” Still, don’t feel pressured to conform to a standard of beauty. Avast majority of us don’t want to spend excessive time in the gym or slaving over a restrictive diet. You don’t have to.
Get regular checkups, get enough sleep, find ways to quit or limit bad habits, eat mindfully with moderation in treats, and find activities that get your body moving. Whether walking, biking, hiking, playing sports or more strenuous exercise is your thing, do it enough to increase your energy and boost your confidence – the two real ingredients to a fountain of youth.
- Don’t Compare Yourself to Others
It’s easy to see a random guy and think, “I wish I could look that good” and get caught up in the gay obsession with looks and stereotypical physical traits. Don’t. Comparing yourself accomplishes nothing except making you feel worse, which literally makes you look worse. Embrace your own look. Recognize your own beauty, and allow the best parts to shine.
- Find Your Niche
There is no single answer to what looks great. Some gay men find skinny, hairless guys attractive. Others prefer big hairy bears. Still more like daddies, frat boys, rockers, painted twinks, and slacker geeks. If you want to feel beautiful, don’t change yourself, but instead surround yourself with people who like you as you are.
When you’re surrounded by others who fill you with self doubt, it’s toxic. When you’re surrounded by guys who think your way is the hot way, the good feelings feed themselves. Look for guys who see the beauty that already exists in you.