His husband controls his life? Mama told you there’d be days like this. Daddy has some answers.
Hey, Daddy!
My husband of one year, who I adore with every fiber of my being, controls my life.
Before we were married, it was little stuff. When I would make suggestions on anything, he’d shoot them down. I got used to it.
After a whirlwind courtship, including leaving my job, my belongings and my friends to move to his city, it has evolved into his making every decision for both of us. He even approves (or more accurately, disapproves) my clothing choices.
He is everything I’ve ever wanted in a man. I never thought I’d find one like him who was as into me as I am into him, but I did, and it’s often perfect.
Still, I did upend my life. Now he has announced that his dream is to live in another city, and that he’s already landed a job there. We move in a month. I’m not ready to unsettle yet again. Then again, my devotion to him is non-negotiable.
Situation Ugly But Marriage Idealized Totally
Dear SUBMIT:
There’s a line between dominant personality and control freak. You’re husband crossed it a long time ago. Control freaks are actually more about “freak” than “control,” and you already know where he stands on the continuum.
He’s been grooming you for this role, and you consciously or unconsciously decided to go along with it as the noose tightened on your individuality. It’s a tough knot to loosen when it gets this far, as you already know, but not impossible.
On the surface, yours is like a traditional dominant-submissive relationship. The Dom is in charge, and the Sub lets him call all the shots. The difference is that Sirs and Boys have a predetermined agreement and adore their roles. You and yours shaped your relationship into something you would have never agreed to at the start.
You can either formalize your dom-sub interactions if you realize that’s what you wanted all along, or you can pull yourself up by the insecurities to change your situation. Either way, it’s crucial that you come to an understanding. You probably can’t fix it before you move, but try to sort out what you really want before approaching your husband.
Daddy loves his boys. He knows the answers you need, and you’re going to get them. Reach out with your burning questions via our editor, mike@peachatl.com, and put “Hey, Daddy” in the subject line. Warning: Advice in this column is intended for entertainment and novelty. Proceed at your own risk. If you’re in trouble, ask a professional for help.