By Life Coach Cator Sparks
Dear Coach-
I love my partner, but we have different kinks and fetishes. I would love to open up our relationship. I’m not sure if I want to dip my toe into triple territory just yet, but do you have some pros and cons of opening up our relationship?
Thanks! Monoga-meh.
Dear Meh-
I hear you! Monogamy isn’t for everyone. My partner and I have been open for a few years, and it has been wonderful for both of us to explore kinks that the other isn’t interested in. It’s also broadened our friend group. Sex is called ‘The Gay Handshake’ after all. I do appreciate that we were monogamous for a few years. It helped us get to know each other before we opened up. But of course, every couple is different.
Here are a few pros and cons. Let me know how it goes!
Pros:
Sexual Variety and Exploration
Girl, have fun! Openness allows partners to explore different desires, orientations, and experiences without ending their core relationship.
Personal Freedom
Encourages individual autonomy and can reduce feelings of possessiveness or control. This is a key part for me. I have been in controlling relationships in the past, and knowing that my partner loves me, cares for me, and encourages me to do my own thing is amazing.
Reduced Pressure on One Partner
No single person is expected to fulfill all emotional, intellectual, and sexual needs. If your partner isn’t into Daddy/Son roleplay, you can find that somewhere else!
Honest Communication
Successful open relationships always require a high level of trust, honesty, and open communication.
Continued Growth
Some find that navigating multiple relationships helps them grow emotionally and develop stronger relationship and communication skills.
Cons:
Jealousy and Insecurity
Despite agreements, feelings of jealousy or inadequacy can still arise and be challenging to manage. See ‘Honest Communication’!
Complicated Emotions
Love or attachment to other partners can create emotional confusion or tension in the primary relationship. If this happens, ahem, come talk to me!
Time and Energy Demands
Managing multiple relationships requires significant time, emotional labor, and scheduling effort so don’t overwhelm yourself with dick dates.
Risk of Miscommunication
Boundaries, expectations, and definitions of openness can be misunderstood or change over time, so it may be healthy to have occasional check-ins with your partner on how you both are feeling.
Do you have questions about mental health/wellness? Send them to cator@davidatlanta.com and check each week to see if your question was selected. Don’t worry, we won’t share your name.