Edited by Mikkel Hyldebrandt
Valentine’s Day, as it’s traditionally sold to us, comes wrapped in rigid expectations: one partner, one kind of love, one very specific script involving roses, prix-fixe menus, and a heavy dose of compulsory romance. It’s a made-up holiday that largely centers straight, monogamous, and highly conventional relationship models—and for many LGBTQ+ folks, that can feel alienating at best and exhausting at worst. But queerness has always thrived in reimagining the rules. So this Valentine’s Day, let’s opt out of the Hallmark version and celebrate love in ways that actually reflect our lives.
So, Queerly Beloved, here are alternative, queer-centered ways to honor love—romantic or otherwise—without squeezing ourselves into a box that never fit to begin with.
1. Celebrate Chosen Family (Because They’re the Real Ones)
For many of us, chosen family has carried us through rejection, transition, heartbreak, and joy. Valentine’s Day is a perfect excuse to honor those relationships. Host a cozy dinner party, a game night, or even a chaotic potluck where everyone brings one comfort food that kept them alive during a rough year. Toast to the friends who showed up when no one else did. Love doesn’t have to be romantic to be profound—and queer people know that better than anyone.
2. Reclaim the Day for Self-Love—Without the Clichés
Self-love doesn’t have to mean bubble baths and affirmations in the mirror (unless that’s your thing—no judgment). For queer folks, self-love can be radical. It can look like resting without guilt, saying no without explanation, or finally blocking that person who drains your energy. Book the therapy session. Take yourself to the movie you actually want to see. Buy the underwear that makes you feel hot, regardless of who sees it. Loving yourself in a world that hasn’t always loved you back is an act of defiance.
3. Honor Non-Traditional Partnerships
Polyamorous relationships, open dynamics, queerplatonic partnerships, long-distance loves, situationships—we exist far outside Valentine’s narrow definition of “couple.” Instead of trying to force these relationships into a single-night celebration, consider marking the day in a way that fits your dynamic. Write letters. Share a playlist that captures your connection. Spend intentional time together without the pressure of performative romance. The validity of your relationship isn’t measured by heart-shaped chocolates.
4. Make It About Community Care
Turn Valentine’s Day outward. Volunteer with an LGBTQ+ organization, donate to a trans mutual aid fund, or organize a small fundraiser among friends. Love, in queer communities, has always been intertwined with survival and care. Especially in a political climate that continues to threaten LGBTQ+ rights, acts of collective love matter. They remind us that our bonds extend beyond the personal and into something deeply communal.
5. Flip the Script with Anti-Valentine’s Fun
If Valentine’s Day brings up grief, anger, or loneliness, you’re not broken—you’re human. Lean into it. Host an Anti-Valentine’s gathering with campy break-up movies, messy karaoke, or a dramatic reading of bad dating app messages. Laughing at the absurdity of it all can be incredibly healing. Queer joy often comes from refusing to take oppressive norms seriously.
6. Celebrate Queer Desire—On Your Terms
For those who want to make the day sexy, let it be unapologetically queer. Ditch the heteronormative expectations of what romance or intimacy is “supposed” to look like. Whether that means exploring kink safely, having an honest conversation about desire, or simply embracing pleasure without shame, your body and your wants are worthy of celebration.
Queerly Beloved, Valentine’s Day doesn’t get to define what counts as meaningful connection. We do. So this year, celebrate in ways that feel affirming, liberating, and real. Love has always been bigger, messier, and more beautiful in queer hands—and that’s something worth honoring, on February 14 and every day after.