Edited by Mikkel Hyldebrandt
The holidays are sold to us as a glittery, heartwarming, hot-cocoa-soaked dream – but for so many queer people, the reality is closer to “festive stress test.” Between navigating family dynamics, juggling an overstuffed social calendar, and feeling the financial squeeze of gifts, travel, and events, the season can stir up fear and insecurity instead of comfort and joy.
Going home for the holidays may mean stepping back into environments that don’t fully see or support who we are. Staying here for the holidays might mean feeling left out, stretched thin, or emotionally overloaded by the whirlwind of queer events, office parties, and friend gatherings. And hidden beneath the sparkle of holiday lights is a very real pressure to spend – sometimes more than we have – to show up, give back, or not feel like the one person who isn’t doing enough.
If this resonates with you: you’re not alone. Queer holiday anxiety is real, it’s valid, and it deserves compassion – especially from yourself. Here are a few tips to help you feel more grounded and supported this season.
1. Set Boundaries Before You Travel (or Don’t Travel)
Before going home, check in with yourself: What’s okay for me this year? What isn’t?
Maybe that means limiting the length of your visit, staying with a friend instead of family, or letting someone know certain topics are off-limits. Boundaries aren’t barriers — they’re safety rails.
2. Build Your “Chosen Family Plan”
If home isn’t where you feel seen, create moments with the people who do.
Plan a dinner, a virtual hang, a low-key movie night, or even a text check-in with your chosen family. Knowing you have support — even from afar — can keep you grounded when things feel tense.
3. Give Yourself Permission to Say No
Not every holiday party, drag brunch, fundraiser, or cookie swap needs your RSVP.
You don’t have to earn your place in the community by being everywhere. Say yes to what nourishes you — and guilt-free no’s to anything that drains you.
4. Create a Realistic Budget (and Stick to It)
The pressure to spend big can feel intense, especially in LGBTQ+ spaces where giving and celebration are such huge cultural touchpoints.
Set a budget for gifts, events, travel, and extras. Then protect it. A thoughtful handwritten card or a homemade treat often means more than something expensive.
5. Ground Yourself in Rituals That Feel Good
Calm doesn’t come from avoiding stress — it comes from creating balance.
Think small: morning tea, a daily walk, 10 minutes of meditation, a favorite playlist, a warm bath, journaling, or reading. Rituals interrupt the chaos and help you return to yourself.
6. Remember: Your Feelings Are Valid (and Shared)
Holiday anxiety doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful — it means you’re human.
Talk to someone you trust about what you’re experiencing. Chances are they’ve felt something similar, and naming it out loud can soften the heaviness.
For many of us, the holidays are complicated — but they don’t have to be overwhelming. You deserve a season that feels safe, warm, and authentically yours. Whether that means going home, staying put, celebrating big, or keeping it quiet, choose the version that protects your peace.
And remember: you’re allowed to build a holiday that fits you.