By Tristan Lane
When “Friends” Smile in Our Faces and Stab Us in the Voting Booth
Let’s talk about the most dangerous kind of bigot not the one screaming on street corners or waving hateful signs. No, the real threat is quieter, friendlier, and far more insidious. It’s the “I love you, but…” ally.
The brunch buddy who sips champagne with you on Sunday and votes against your humanity on Tuesday. The co-worker who applauds your wedding photos on Instagram yet proudly supports leaders who want to invalidate that very marriage. The family member who hugs you at Christmas while choosing politicians who treat LGBTQ+ rights like a negotiable inconvenience. These people are not confused. They are not neutral. They are frauds and it’s time we name them.
The Psychology of a Performative Ally: Love Without Loyalty
These individuals have mastered the art of selective compassion. They adore you privately because it boosts their self-image, but when it truly counts, when policy and power are at stake, they abandon you to maintain their tribal loyalties, their privilege, or their comfortable ignorance.
They’ll say:
“I don’t agree with everything he / she says.”
“My vote is about economics.”
“You know I support you, but my values…”
No.
You cannot “value” someone while helping strip away their rights. A vote is a mirror of one’s morals, not a multiple-choice test. They want the social credit of appearing tolerant without the moral responsibility of defending our community when it matters. Their allyship is a costume. Their acceptance is conditional. Their empathy evaporates the moment it requires courage.
Their Votes Have Consequences – Deadly Ones
Let’s be brutally clear: Anti-LGBTQ+ bills don’t pass themselves. Book bans don’t write themselves. Drag bans don’t enforce themselves. LGBTQ+ youth don’t lose healthcare by accident. These harms are delivered by the very politicians your so-called “friends” support. If you say you love LGBTQ+ people but vote for leaders who target us, then your love is counterfeit. It’s emotional counterfeit currency pretty on the surface, worthless in reality.
Reclaiming Our Power: Why Disinheritance Is a Moral Duty
We need to stop pretending we owe loyalty to people who actively undermine our existence. Let’s say it plainly: You are under no obligation to leave your hard-earned money to individuals who vote against your rights.
Why reward hypocrisy? Why finance bigotry? Why continue the generational cycle of empowering those who harm us? Disinheritance is not vengeance. I call it ethical housekeeping.
Your estate is your voice after you’re gone. You have every right every moral justification to direct it away from harmful relatives or “friends” and toward organizations that actually save LGBTQ+ lives. Imagine the impact of donating to for example – Lost-n-Found Youth, an organization fighting to keep LGBTQ+ young people alive, sheltered, and seen. That money does more good in their hands in one week than a hypocritical relative could manage in a lifetime. Our community survives because we choose each other not because we cling to people who treat us as politically expendable regardless of family bonds.
Demanding Accountability or Walking Away
The next time someone claims to be an ally while supporting anti-LGBTQ+ politics, ask them: “How can you vote for people who want to erase my rights and still call yourself my friend?” Watch how quickly they fumble for excuses. If they can’t reconcile it, that’s not your burden to carry. You owe no apology for choosing dignity over duplicity.
Get comfortable with making them uncomfortable. Let them squirm. Let them confront the truth they’ve been dodging be unapologetic about standing up for your equality.
We Are Done with Polite Betrayal
Let us enter a new era, one where LGBTQ+ people recognize our worth, our power, and our right to protect ourselves from performative love. Standing up for yourself is not dramatic. It is not extreme. It is a necessity. And if your legacy can uplift the next generation of LGBTQ+ youth, then let your final act be one of clarity, courage, and fierce compassion.
Give your love and your money to those who deserve it.