By Branden Lee
There’s something magical about a crush. There’s a consuming rush of endorphins every time I see a hot guy at work, at the gym, at the club, walking down the street, anywhere really. Well, they only count as a crush if they’re someone I see repeatedly.
I wonder about them. What’s their story? Are they gay? Are they interested in me too? Should I make a move? Will I be humiliated if he rejects me? Do I have to fear for my safety if I accidentally tried hitting on a homophobic straight guy?
I do think that fear of not knowing if our crushes are gay or not, and if they may be homophobic and harm us is what keeps many gay men from approaching the hot guy they see. Many gay bashings and even murders have occurred because of the “gay panic” excuse.
We can’t limit ourselves to just finding men online though. Not every eligible bachelor is on the internet. Many love to bash dating apps and swear they would never use them, though most of them are probably the guys with the faceless profiles.
I had a new crush recently, and it made me feel wonderful. I’ve been single for a little over a month. I still think about my ex all day every day. I know that relationship must be put to rest, but I’ve always been someone that doesn’t get over my past guy until a new guy enters my life.
Crushes are reinvigorating. They bring excitement, joy, hope. Talking to the cute guy. The rush of him following me back on social media. Seeing that he likes my pics and watches my stories. Doing the same with him.
Then the childlike imagining our future together. Going on dates, hooking up, becoming Facebook official, introducing him to my friends and family, getting engaged, getting married, living happily ever after. Forgetting all about the heartbreak my ex instilled into me. Moving on to a love that’s better, healthier, and longer lasting.
Then back to reality. Crush isn’t liking my pics anymore. Crush isn’t texting me back. My crush clearly isn’t that into me. I’m sad again, missing the love I had with my ex. Even if that relationship was marred by toxicity and dysfunction.
Even though this particular crush seems to have blown up in my face, I’m happy I had a crush anyway. I felt that joy and excitement. The possibility that I will like new guys. The knowing I can feel feelings for someone else and my ex one day will be a distant memory. I will love again! One day. Even if my present is full of guys with multiple mugshots, bankruptcies, unemployed guys, guys lying about their relationship status, and guys that are only after sex.
It took me nearly 27 years to get my first boyfriend, so I know I shouldn’t expect to find my next boyfriend instantly. I’ve only been single for a month. Finding love is about quality, not quantity.
It’s also important to not let crushes just pass me by. If I see a hot guy, I shouldn’t let fear deter me. It’s good to discern if a guy is most likely gay or not, but it’s Atlanta, so there’s a good chance he’s more likely gay.
I love that feeling of butterflies that comes with a new guy I like. Online is full of so many fakes and phonies that a guy can seem special one day, and then all that feeling is gone the next. Crushes give you a chance to see someone constantly, analyze, fantasize, and imagine the possibilities.
Each disappointment with guys I meet makes me miss my ex, but every new crush gives me hope that I’ll forget about him and find someone better. I want to love again. I want a boyfriend, and to be an even better boyfriend than I was in my past relationship.
I just need to keep hope alive, shoot my shot with my crushes, and not let opportunities of hot guys pass me by.
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Branden Lee is a writer and actor living in Atlanta. Follow Branden on Twitter and Instagram @Brandeness. Watch Branden on his YouTube channel SexxxPerTease.