By Cator Sparks
One of the topics I hear over and over with queer clients is the feeling that they don’t have a deep connection with their community. We may have a big friend group, but are you opening up and having deep shares? Or is it all just a big kiki?
While the queer community is not a monolith- gay men are very good at putting on a facade. We can turn a look, have a flawless physique, and throw some serious shade, but how are we really? What would it feel like if you told your friends that you were exhausted, your finances are freaking you out and your inner critic is killing you at work? Vulnerability can be hugely beneficial and a powerful way to deepen a friendship. It always helps to share! As we say in coaching. ‘Name it to tame it. Feel it to heal it.’
Here are some tips on leaning into vulnerability:
Ask For Confidentiality
Before you share, it’s good to ensure your friend knows you trust them with this and expect them to keep it between you two. Setting agreements can help with safety.
Don’t Do a Life Dump on a Judy
Ask if they are open to hearing how you are, and share one thing. See how it goes. If they seem to care, then continue sharing. If they cut you off and say, ‘Oh girl, it will be fine, let’s go to Blakes!”, they may not be the one to go deep with.
Learn to Listen
If someone is opening up, stop looking at Grindr, put the bedazzler down, and listen fully. Look them in the eye and connect. That shows them that you care and are present.
Show Empathy
The worst thing you can say is, “It will all be fine!” Instead, ask, “How can I support you?” It’s even okay to say, “I am not sure what to say here, but I am so thankful you trust me to share this with.”
Don’t Get Defensive
If you open up to someone and don’t like their response, just listen. Maybe it’s something you need to hear.
Reciprocate
If you open up to a friend, give them the space to open up to you. Vulnerability should never be one-sided.
Do you have more questions on mental health? Send them to cator@davidatlanta.com and check back each week to see if your question was selected. We promise never to publish the name of the person who asked the question.
Peace and Love Y’all!