By Cator Sparks, Life Coach
Hey Coach,
My family isn’t very accepting of me, and I struggle to find a connection with them. I keep hearing about ‘chosen family’. Any tips on finding them?
Thank you!
Hey, Sweet One. We got you!
For many queer people, the concept of “chosen family” is more than a comforting idea—it’s a lifeline. While biological families can offer love and support, they can also be sources of rejection, misunderstanding, or silence. Chosen family, by contrast, is intentionally built, grounded in mutual care, trust, and a shared identity.
Chosen family is forged in living rooms (ballrooms!), late-night conversations, group chats, and pride parades. It’s found in the friend who brings soup when you’re sick, the elder who offers guidance, or the roommate who celebrates your gender-affirming journey like it’s their own. These relationships are not bound by blood or legal ties but by something just as substantial: love, recognition, and safety.
Creating a chosen family takes courage. It means showing up authentically and trusting that you’ll be seen and held. It also requires effort—checking in, setting boundaries, and navigating life’s complexities together. But the result is a web of relationships that affirm who you are, especially in a world that doesn’t always do the same.
Tips for Finding Chosen Family
- Attend LGBTQ+ events: From community centers to Pride celebrations, these spaces are designed for connection.
- Join queer groups online or in person: Book clubs, support circles, and hobby meetups can foster deep friendships.
- Volunteer: Giving back creates bonds with people who share your values.
- Be open and consistent: Show up, follow through, and give relationships time to grow.
- Seek intergenerational connection: Queer elders and youth both bring wisdom and perspective.
You deserve a family who sees you, supports you, and celebrates you. And in the queer community, that kind of love is not only possible—it’s thriving.