By Cator Sparks
Y’all. Who here has opened up the apps and resurfaced three hours later in a haze of dick pics and broken promises for a hook up? I see you. App exhaustion is a real thing, and it is, well, exhausting. Listen, I am very pro-app. I met my partner on Scruff, I have met some great friends on Grindr, and as for the sex, them ATL peaches aren’t playing! But the dating/sex apps (like most apps) are designed to keep us engaged, and it’s your job not to let them win.
Here are six tips on maintaining a healthy relationship with the apps:
Limit your time
When you get on the apps for some fun, give yourself 30 minutes and then put down your phone and be present with what is happening right in front of you. The same is true for Instagram. Move your body, play with your pup, get outside. Don’t let them consume your day.
Turn off all alerts!
This applies to your whole phone. When you are ready, check your apps. If you respond every time that Grindr chime goes off, it’s controlling you.
Be respectful of people’s time
If you engage for hours and then can’t respond when I ask when you want to meet, you need a life coach! It’s one thing if you are engaging and eager to get to know someone better to possibly start a relationship/friendship, but if you ask me for every fantasy scenario and then ghost—girl, no.
It’s them, not you!
If someone ghosts, stops responding, or blocks you, that is on them and what they are going through. Do not let that ruin your day. Yes, it can be annoying, but I just take a deep breath, shake my head, and send them positive vibes, because they are going through something that is not about me.
Check in with yourself
If the apps are making you feel icky, take some time off from them. Connect with friends IRL and do things that bring you joy. All of the tapping, messaging, picture sharing, and sexting can be exhausting.
Practice self-love/compassion
There will always be someone on there with more abs than you. That’s ok! Value what you bring to the table. If someone rejects you, do not take it personally. We never know what someone else is going through. It’s not a reflection on you. Apps can be debilitating for mental health, so go in there with an open mind and heart and know when it’s time to put her down.
Do you have more questions about mental health? Send them to cator@davidatlanta.com and check back each week to see if your question was selected. We promise never to publish the name of the person who asked the question. Also, are you a Grindr Ghoster? I would love to hear from you. Anything you share will be confidential, of course.
Peace and Love Y’all!
