A Guide for LGBTQ+ Folks Facing Family and Friends Post-Election
Edited by Mikkel Hyldebrandt
The holiday season can be an emotional time for everyone, but for LGBTQ+ individuals, it sometimes brings an added layer of complexity. This year, with the 2024 election leaving many households more divided than ever, managing these gatherings may feel especially daunting. Whether it’s uncomfortable questions or tension over identity and beliefs, here’s a guide to help you prepare mentally and emotionally for the season, keeping your well-being front and center.
Set Boundaries Early
Decide in advance what is and isn’t acceptable for you to discuss. Being clear about these limits will make you feel more in control of interactions and give you a buffer if someone crosses the line. For example, you might say, “I’m here to enjoy time with everyone, but let’s steer clear of politics for today.” If a conversation starts to veer into areas you’re not comfortable with, calmly excuse yourself or change the subject.
TIP! If boundaries are hard to bring up directly, try communicating them in advance via a message or email. This can also help family members understand your perspective without the heat of the moment.
Have an Exit Plan
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, a situation may become too much to handle. Plan a way to gracefully leave the room, whether that’s stepping outside for fresh air, taking a phone call, or, if necessary, leaving the gathering altogether. Knowing you have an “escape route” can make all the difference, allowing you to navigate tough moments without feeling trapped.
TIP! Arrange for a friend or loved one to call or text you during the gathering so you have a moment to vent, check in, or even have an excuse to step out if needed.
Bring Your Support System
You don’t have to face the holiday season alone. Consider bringing a friend, partner, or ally along to gatherings where you know you may face difficult dynamics. A supportive presence can act as a buffer, help lighten the mood, and remind you that you have allies who understand you. Plus, someone who knows you well can sense when things are uncomfortable and help redirect conversations.
TIP! If you can’t bring someone physically, schedule regular check-ins with friends or loved ones over text or video calls to help you stay grounded.
Focus on Self-Care Between Gatherings
Holiday gatherings can be emotionally draining, so make sure you’re nurturing yourself between events. Prioritize activities that bring you joy and relaxation—whether it’s exercising, cooking your favorite meal, or spending time with friends. Taking time to decompress will help you recharge and feel stronger heading into your next gathering.
TIP! Create a list of “feel-good” activities you can turn to after challenging moments. This could include taking a bath, journaling, meditating, or watching a favorite show.
Redirect Conversations with Kindness
You don’t have to engage with every question or comment that comes your way. Use gentle redirects to steer conversations in a different direction if they start veering into uncomfortable territory. For example, if a family member brings up a topic you’d rather avoid, politely shift the focus: “Oh, speaking of that, did you hear about…?” Redirecting can help preserve the peace without sacrificing your comfort.
TIP! Keep a few conversation starters on hand. Simple topics like holiday plans, movies, or shared interests can help ease tension and bring the focus back to lighter subjects.
Remind Yourself: You Are Valid and Loved
No matter what anyone else says, remember that your identity and experiences are valid. Surround yourself with affirming messages and people who understand you, even if they’re not present at the holiday gathering. Carrying reminders of support—whether it’s a piece of jewelry, a comforting note, or a friend’s encouraging words—can help you stay grounded.
TIP! Before the gathering, remind yourself of what makes you unique and valuable. It can be helpful to carry a physical reminder, like a small note or object, to keep your spirits lifted if things get tough.
Know When to Say “No”
If certain gatherings feel too challenging this year, give yourself permission to skip them. Your mental and emotional well-being come first, and there’s no shame in prioritizing your health. You could opt for a shorter visit, join virtually, or celebrate with chosen family instead.
TIP! If opting out feels difficult, consider planning an alternative holiday celebration that brings you joy. Whether it’s a “Friendsgiving” or a cozy solo day, creating your own tradition can be an empowering way to reclaim the season.
Connect with Chosen Family and LGBTQ+ Community Spaces
If family gatherings feel overwhelming, lean on your chosen family and community spaces for support. The LGBTQ+ community offers a powerful network of people who understand and value you for who you are. Reach out, share your experiences, and celebrate the holidays with people who genuinely appreciate and uplift you.
TIP! Attend local LGBTQ+ events, virtual gatherings, or holiday meetups to stay connected and feel a sense of belonging throughout the season.
