Inconsiderate groom takes his marital bliss on the back of a dead friend, and a drunken buddy calls the seventh time for bail money.
Hey, Daddy!
It’s been five years since a friend in our tightknit little gay circle committed suicide. Apparently, it takes a tragedy to show who your real friends are.
It took a long time for many of us to work through what happened, much less move on. During that time, two friends consoled each other, grew closer and got married. At the wedding, one of the grooms said he owed his happiness to the dead friend. Without him, they wouldn’t have gotten together.
I can’t believe he would think that, much less say it out loud. What kind of person takes happiness on the back of a suicide? He should apologize, or at least stop going around letting everyone know what a horrible person he is.
Didn’t Realize A Monster Awaited
Dear DRAMA:
The helplessness and hurt after suicide is a hell all its own. It says a lot about your love for each other that, five years later, you guys are still thinking about your lost buddy. You probably always will.
You and the groom were both talking to the wrong person. Were you the wrong person to tell about his awkward realization? Based on your reaction, obviously. Is he the one who needs to hear about your pain? A professional might be better suited.
Start with the assumption that he’s not a monster. People are capable of holding two conflicting feelings: The pain of the lost friend, the joy of the marriage, and the clumsy coincidence of it being born from tragedy.
What he felt comfortable enough with you to share his awkward, vulnerable thought process out loud? If you’re ready to help him as much as yourself, open your heart and talk it out.
Hey, Daddy!
A drunken friend called me at 3 a.m. from jail. I left him there until morning because it was the seventh time in two years. Now he hates me.
Sorry Embarrassing Lush Forsaken
Dear SELF:
Responding immediately to a late night call from jail is called being a friend. Waiting the seventh time until you’re awake to call the bondsman is also called being a friend. He’s got a lot going on right now. Let him stew on it.