I have gone on a date with this guy four times now, and every time the same scenario: we have drinks, and then we make out at the bar. But then he puts on the brakes and says that he doesn’t want to have sex drunk, and we end up just calling it a night. On date four, we go to his place after the bar, we make out, and once again he says no sex. But then we made out again, and he tries to undress me. I was concerned about the whole no sex while drunk part, so I gently stopped him and asked about it. Then he got weird, and we ended up calling it a night. Since, I haven’t heard from him, and I’m confused. Didn’t I do the right thing?
You did the right thing, although you may have misread his consent in the moment. One thing is certain: he set up some boundaries but also gave you plenty of mixed signals along the way. He may have (clumsily) granted you consent in that situation, but you stopping it may have left him feeling rejected or even embarrassed. Perhaps he was indeed so drunk that the memory of the episode is muddled? So what now? How about you set up a fifth date, and this time you don’t go to a bar, so alcohol is no longer in the picture. This way he will hopefully be able to signal a little better and you will understand his intentions better.
