Q
I am in this beautiful relationship with a really great guy, and since the beginning, I felt like we really found each other, you know? There is one thing, though, that is starting to get to me, and that is his past. It seems that no matter what, he has already done it with past boyfriends or sex partners. I can’t help but think that I just don’t measure up to the apparently wild and crazy life he had before me. Don’t get me wrong, we have great sex, and our connection is real, but this is nagging at me. I haven’t told him about my feelings yet, and I want to try to move past this without ever letting him now that I am a little self-conscious. How do I do that?
A
When you fall in love, one of the ‘perks’ and part of the appeal is that you kind of start fresh with a new person. It’s a wonderful and passionate part of the relationship where you feel like you’re alone in the world–but then the rest of the world and reality sets in. It seems like you are pretty open with each other, which has led to him (and you?) disclosing details of past relationships. As long as it is not used as a weapon, this can be a really great thing, and even deepen the connection between two people, or be the catalyst for even greater shared moments – except when that makes someone feel inadequate like you are feeling now. You can almost feel like you are left out of your own relationship because the person you love was (also) happy with someone before you. The thing is, there is no allocation of happy, so even though your boyfriend was happy before you, that doesn’t impede on your present happiness. In fact, past experiences are probably the reason why he is with you now. So, take a second to wrap your head around that. He chose you. Keep the honesty and openness in your relationship and share with him how you feel about this. He loves you, and he will understand why this is bothering, and if he’s a superstar, he will even give you the reassurance that you are subconsciously looking for.
