My partner and I have been together for a long time, and we have a deep and fulfilling relationship. One thing I’d like to change is our sex: we have sex somewhat frequently, but they are always quickies right before work, bed, or going somewhere. It’s like it is only fulfilling the physical part of having sex and not the intimate part, if you follow. And sex is always an intermission and never the main attraction. I deeply desire my partner, and I want to grow our intimacy, so how do we get that back?


Sex is a physical need and release, but ultimately sex is about the intimate connection you achieve with a partner. It seems like you have had that type of connection, so of course, it can be frustrating if it’s veered off to being more about the physical release thing instead. Ask your partner if he has noticed the switch, and if he’d like to get the intimate connection back – that’ll also give you an excellent opportunity to let him know that you miss him intimately. Next, instead of having unplanned, sporadic quickies, plan a romantic, sexy night where you take time to be all about each other. You don’t necessarily have to have sex, but after courting each other all night long, that may end up being the outcome. Another little exercise that builds an erotic, intimate connection is to lie next to each without touching and revealing a sexual fantasy to each other. Keeping it entirely in the head – at least for a while – helps to switch the sexual connection from the merely physical to an all-body experience. Low-key sex and quickies are fun, but not nearly as fulfilling as drawn-out sex in terms of pleasure and intimacy.