I have dated some great guys, and I have even been in a few shorter relationships. Every time they have ended undramatically and just kind of fizzled out before they got super serious. Now, I am in a different situation. I am with a great guy, and we have been together for a good while now. The issue is that I just don’t feel the same way about him anymore, so I’m thinking maybe I should break up with him. He is very much in love with me, and he wants to take next steps. I feel terrible that I have to do this to another person. Why can’t it just casually end like it has before?Â
People tend to see breakups in a kind of old-fashioned way: they happen because of flaws, defects, or irreconcilable turns of events. That’s not exactly what is going on in your case. The way you describe how earlier relationships have just ‘fizzled out’ tells me that you have not taken the same emotional steps in this relationship as your boyfriend has – and now, you’re just not feeling it. So you should probably go ahead and break up with him. Will it hurt him? Probably. Will you feel shitty about it? Yes. But you are doing yourself and your boyfriend a favor by not procrastinating. And once you have broken up with him, maybe you can take some time to think about why your relationship end before they get serious, because that sounds like a ‘you’ and not ‘them’ problem. Are you afraid of commitment and opening up to someone else? Are you scared of feeling co-dependent? Only you can tell, so it’s time to move on from this relationship, mature a little, and learn how to respect your own and other people’s feelings a little better.
