WOODY MILLER
| 8.13.2008
For a few months now, I've been dating this awesome guy I met online. I’m all about being honest in a relationship, but I'm scared to tell him that I'm falling for him, because I think it may push him away.
How soon is too soon to say, "I love you?” It’s like I fight the urge to say it every time we share a nice moment or sleep together.
I worry that if I do, he may end the relationship. Any advice?
— UNSPOKEN LOVE
Nothing will kill a love affair faster than saying “I love you” too soon. And believe me, it’s too soon. You wouldn’t have written if it weren’t.
Your relationship isn’t going to collapse if you stop yourself from saying it, but it might if you do say it. So why take the chance? Besides, he already knows!
Don’t you know when somebody’s in love with you? So why risk the possibility that he’d back off, create distance, and maybe date other guys?
Bottom line: Never say something the other guy isn’t prepared to hear. A temporary delay in expressing yourself isn’t dishonesty. It’s intelligence.
You'll know when the right time comes, and it will be an easy and natural thing to say. That's the test.
I'm new to the whole gay scene. I go to the gym regularly and wonder if there's any way to tell if a guy is gay?
A buddy of mine said that gay guys shave their pubic hair — that it’s a sign of their pride. I don't believe this, because some of my straight buddies shave as well.
Is there, like, a visible sign that somebody’s gay?
— NAÏVE NEWBIE
I’M ANSWERING YOU IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE I DOUBT YOU’LL BE ABLE TO HEAR ME ALL THE WAY BACK IN THE 1950s.
Do you honestly believe that there are “signs” of homosexuality? Yes, some guys flame out so much you gotta hide the lighter fluid, but for the most part, the only way to tell if a guy is gay is if his balls slap up against the back of your thighs when he’s stabbing your starfish with his stick.
And even then…
I’m gay but not out at the moment to anyone. The problem is, I’m in love with my best friend, who is straight, though I have a feeling he could be gay.
I’m afraid things would never be the same if I told him my feelings and asked him if he is gay.
I love what we’ve got as friends and wouldn’t change it for the world, but what am I supposed to do with these feelings I have for him?
— GAYZED & CONFUSED
You have better odds of getting hit by lightning and successfully suing God than being boyfriends with your BFF.
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try, though. Tell him a close cousin came out to you. If he reacts badly (“Cut him off from the family”), go no further. If he reacts well (“Nothing wrong with it,” or better yet, “Is he hot?”), then wait a little while and come out to him.
Under no circumstances should you ask him if he’s gay or tell him that you want to play Hide the Sausage. If he’s straight, he’ll assume you’re attracted to him anyway (don’t they all?), and if he’s a ‘mo, you’ll just scare him deeper into the closet.
Just breathe. If he’s gay, something will happen naturally.
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