WOODY MILLER
| 11.19.2008
I’m 28 and a “gay virgin." Never been topped but want to be. Problem is, I want my first time to actually mean something.
Am I being naive? Should I just go out and do the first hot guy I see and get it over with, or should I wait for the right guy? Also, is my virginity going to drive the right guy away? If so, should I lie about it and just be the lousy lay I’ll probably be?
— THE 28-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN
“Waiting” smacks of that corrosive Soul Mate shit that keeps people apart because they’re not a perfect match. What if you don’t meet your “soul mate” for another 20 years? You’re going to give up two decades of sex for somebody who just hasn't shown up?
That said, I do think you should wait for the right guy. I just think you should change your idea of who that is. Yours is the guy you wanna marry. Mine is the guy who’s so hot he wipes out your short-term memory. There’s a middle ground. Find it.
As for telling guys you’ve never done it before, YES, tell them. You’ll get extra patience and attention. Guys are attracted to beauty, brains and character, not skills.
Would you be turned off by a guy who’s never given head? Then why would you think he’d be turned off because you’ve never bottomed?
I’m 33, have a nice slim build, smooth in some places, endowed in the right places. But I’ve had skin cancer on and off for the last 10 years. I don't blurt it out on the first date, but it is something that I feel I should share two or three dates in.
A lot of guys misunderstand what I’ve said, thinking that my cancer was caused by some other serious illness. Um, excuse me, since when does "cancer" sound like "AIDS"? (which btw, I am HIV negative and careful to stay that way as cancer + HIV = very unhappy doctor).
I do not mind admitting that I have Melanoma, a rare form caused not by sun exposure, but by genetics. I was only 22 when first diagnosed, but that just seems to confuse and turn guys off even more.
I don't want to hide my medical history, but at the same time, I would like to date without scaring guys away. What do I do?
— MEL A. NOMA
Here’s how I picture you introducing yourself to new guys:
“Hi, I have a rare type of skin cancer that’s not anything like AIDS, though the infected moles sometimes ooze and bleed underneath the tissue, but it’s not a problem, really it isn’t, so quit backing up, otherwise you won’t be able to see the before-and-after pictures of the bloody lymph nodes they surgically removed, I’m sorry, what did you say your name was again?”
Dude, your problem isn’t cancer, it’s “TMI.” Why on Earth would you tell somebody you don’t know something that doesn’t affect them? I’ll tell you why: Because you want them to be as impressed about your cancer as you are. You want them to think, “Wow, he’s handling it great. What strength, what courage!”
Either that, or you want them to feel sorry for you. Either way, you’re wrong for telling them. You shouldn’t say anything to anyone unless:
a. It affects them in some way
b. They can do something about it
c. You need their emotional support
My advice? Shut the fuck up. Cancer is the least interesting thing about you.
|
