MIKE FLEMING
| 10.15.2008
WELCOME TO DAVID'S ANNUAL Man-Date Men issue, our signature edition featuring Atlanta guys whose beauty is so much more than skin deep. The men we meet this year not only acknowledge that initial spark of attraction that leads you to a first date, but also represent the type of guys you'd like to see again after finding out who they really are.
We chose this particular dozen for 2008 based on their wide variety of viewpoints and "types," so that there's someone for everyone. Make no mistake, the pictures by photographer Tim Wilkerson are hot, maybe our hottest bunch ever. But whether you like community-minded activists, East Atlanta rockers, granola-munching spiritualists, fancy-dressed dandies, wholesome teachers, or sweet and thoughtful beefcake, we think more than anything that these are men worth knowing.
It's that effort toward diversity that set me thinking while we put this issue together. First, a realization hit me about a gay man I come into contact with on a regular basis: he wants everyone to think he's smart. My thought is that if you have to say it or prove it, the whole concept is suspect.
"But I'm gay," he said to explain how obnoxious he was being. "I'm allowed to be catty and let people know where they stand."
Since when does being gay excuse rude behavior? Within two hours of that clue into his character and how to approach him (or better yet, avoid him), a gay social contact called me and started our conversation by calling himself "a pretty deep person."
Swear to god.
I'm leery of the real truth when people think such qualities need to be announced. The guy continued by talking about how good he looks with his shirt off and how more people need to see it, because he's currently single.
"I'm deep, but I'm also gay," he explained, assuming I'd relate.
SO? I'M GAY TOO. AND SINCE I came out 25 years ago, I have urged my friends and family to realize that this does not change who I am; it's just part of me. I don't want anyone to assume that we all neatly fit into some gay-guy mold that allows them to feed their stereotypes.
If we don't want society at large to lump us into one category, why do we force the same notions on each other?
As the men in this issue suggest, there are as many gay idealists as there are gay cynics. As many who entrench themselves in all-gay-all-the-time as those who just hit a gay bar every once in a while. As many Ford drivers as there are Miata owners.
And there are as many smart guys as those who need to prove it, as many gym hounds who parade around shirtless as there are built guys who would never even consider doing so.
Don't assume a 'gay' identity means the same thing to all gay men. Seems easy, but too many of us assume that our ideas about what "gay" means apply to everyone else.
NEVER WAS THE DIVERGENCE clearer than when I watched two movies in as many weeks. If you didn't read my review in Southern Voice, I hated "Another Gay Sequel." Hate actually puts it mildly. But I acknowledged that many people might like the movie's silly one-liners, 7th Grade bathroom humor and Just-Came-Out sex obsessions. On cue, even a few of my close friends did.
Then I previewed "Breakfast With Scot," which everyone will get a chance to see at Midtown Art Cinema beginning Oct. 24. I'm not saying it's cinematic genius, but it is undeniably cute and heart-warming. It perfectly demonstrates what happens when the queeniest 11-year old ever comes to live with a semi-closeted, hyper-masculine gay couple.
The boy and the men must to learn to accept, and ultimately learn from and embrace, each other. That's my recommendation for all of us.
The movie also addresses different uses of the word "gay." The gay couple can hardly bring themselves to say it at all at first. Later, they wonder if the kid is "gay," meaning "effeminate." The boy himself isn't sure what it means ("It's not like they sit around kissing all the time.") And cruel children use it to mean "freak."
One thing is for sure, none of them mean the same thing when they say the word.
That's the point. Flip through this issue of David and realize that, beyond the sex of the people they're attracted to, each of these sexy, devoted, talented men — and each of you out there — has his own unique point of view. Vive la difference!
As in any special issue, I must point out that any week's David takes a team effort, and that signature editions take even more. Much love and big props to the Atlanta guys brave enough to bare their souls this week, to Art Director Bo Shell for his organizational skills and creative vision, as well as to photographer Tim Wilkerson (www.feedyoureyes.net) for his undeniable talents.
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