RYAN LEE
| 3.8.2006
I'VE HAD SOME MEMORABLE Saturday nights in my life as a gay man, like the first time I went to Backstreet - or I should say, the first two times I went to Backstreet.
After a night of clubbing, some friends and I arrived at about 6 o'clock one Saturday morning. By the time we left at noon, we were convincing ourselves not to go to the sex club we were invited to while there. Later that night, we flocked back to Backstreet, where the party was still going.
I've written before about how that night helped me understand that being gay was something to be celebrated, not a burden. It was a night I'll always cherish, because up until that point my attraction to men was nothing but a source of shame and fear.
EIGHT YEARS EARLIER, again on a memorable Saturday night, I was introduced to one of the burdens of being a gay man. It was 1993. I was at home alone, watching TV, convinced I was dying.
I was only 12 years old and had never engaged in anything more than jerking off and oral sex with some of my guy friends. Still, I knew I was gay, and all the men dying on my TV were gay, so I assumed the mild bout of diarrhea I was dealing with was the first sign of my pending demise.
As traumatizing as it was watching the HBO premiere of "And the Band Played On," I'm forever grateful for that night. The movie instilled a paralyzing fear of AIDS in me, and I consider it one of the main reasons I remained negative.
Remembering how scared I was while watching that movie, I never thought I would willingly allow someone to possibly inject HIV particles into my bloodstream.
BUT THAT'S WHAT I DID last July, when I enrolled in an HIV vaccine trial at Emory University's Hope Clinic. Since then, I received three injections that possibly included dead HIV particles. I say "possibly" because I could've received placebo shots that do not contain the HIV particles.
If I understand things correctly, I think the vaccine trial attempts to trick my body's immune system into believing that HIV is present so that my immune system can begin producing antibodies proactively, which might give it a better chance of preventing the disease if I ever came in contact with HIV.
At any rate, the Emory folks repeatedly assure me that the test vaccine in no way leads to me becoming HIV-positive.
Any trepidation I have about being a human guinea pig is dwarfed by the anxiety I feel about us still not having a cure or vaccine for HIV/AIDS. Too many of us, along with many other groups of people, are still acquiring the disease, I don't want any more generations of guys believing that gay sex equals death.
HEPATITIS B STILL CAUSES problems in certain pockets of the world, but whereas it was once a global killer, today it is a largely avoidable disease. Why? Because in the 1970s legions of gay men - who were susceptible to Hepatitis B because of their sexual activities - volunteered to participate in trials that led to a successful vaccine.
They allowed doctors to inject them with vaccines that included dead Hepatitis B particles, and today, Asian and African babies receive that same vaccine so they have a better chance at survival. Gay men helped neutralize the deadly effects of one global epidemic.
We can do so again.
The folks at the Hope Clinic are partnering with the Jungle and manhunt.net on March 11 to host a free "Hot Guy Party" that features an information table where guys can learn about the vaccine study, and how to join. Singer Jeannie Johnson is scheduled to perform, so it's a great way to mix partying and philanthropy.
We can rid the world of AIDS. Are you ready?
Ryan Lee forgot to mention you are paid to participate in the study. Can anyone say bar tab? E-mail him at RLee@DavidAtlanta.com
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